In addition, parental fear for their children’s safety has increased despite the fact that fatal injury and death rates for Australian children aged 5–14 years have reduced dramatically each decade since the 1900s.[ref] Australian Bureau of Statistics, Census of Population and Housing, 1981, 1986, 1996 and 2006. [/ref] The increase in fear is linked to the increase in our repeated exposure to stories of violence and disasters through 24-hour news channels and the Internet. Seeing and hearing the same stories time after time, increases our perception that it is a very dangerous world. Advertisers and marketers also continue to ‘frighten’ parents with the need to buy products and devices to keep children ‘safe’.

The impact of overprotective parenting on children

• Poorly developed problem solving skills. Parents who are constantly intervening to sort out their children’s issues are not allowing their children to take safe risks and learn from their mistakes. As a result these children may not believe they can solve problems independently, reinforcing their inability to face their own issues without help.
• Learn avoidance as a way of coping. Parental micromanaging means that children do not get to practice solving their own problems, as a result these children are at risk of never learning to cope effectively with minor or major life challenges without parental support. This has serious implications for children as they learn from their parents that the world is a scary place that they have no control over. Furthermore their reliance on others to solve even minor issues leads to low self-esteem, anxiety and depression and other mental health problems.
• Have difficulty dealing with friendship issues independently. Children’s opportunities to sort out their own friendship issues are greatly reduced by this parenting style. Primary-aged children, who have their friendship issues constantly ‘managed’ by an overprotective parent, are less likely to cope in adolescence and at risk of developing mental health issues.

• Less chance to develop important social skills through unstructured play.  These parents are less likely to allow their children opportunities for unstructured play, preferring to involve their children in ‘safer’ organized play activities such as sporting groups, music lessons, and other organized activities. Unstructured play time is important in developing child’s self-esteem, as well as important social skills such as turn taking, sharing, co-operation and coping with frustration. Engaging mainly in structured play activities means that adults are constantly mediating, further reducing the child’s opportunity to independently practice and develop these life skills.

What does the ‘helicopter’ parent look like?

Some parents can have unrealistic or irrational beliefs about what the school can do for their child, and expect school staff to assist them in protecting their child against both minor and major challenges. Parents who are overprotective are likely to approach the school each time a minor incident occurs. They may seem pushy and often want an immediate solution to their problem, even when there isn’t an easy answer, or they may offer a solution that is irrational, such as banning running at school due to safety concerns.

Overprotective ‘helicopter’ parents may display some of the following mannerisms or behaviours:

• manage or oversee most of their children’s activities
• frequently initiate approaches to the school
• believe everything their child tells them without further clarification
• readily blame, find fault with a teacher, other school staff or other children
• display general disappointment in what has been decided or offered following a school meeting or conversation with the teacher
• have a stiff facial expression or body posture
• are tearful
• become defensive or use attacking language
• want an answer to what they perceive as ‘the issue’
• have a limited attention span
• repeat questions or statements
• use a high-pitched voice or rapid speech
• confront another child or parent on the school grounds
• make demands or threats to the teacher or the school
• engage other parents by developing their own issues-based parent ‘support’ group through oral communication, email, notes or handouts to parents.

It may be difficult to convince some overprotective parents that their child’s problems do not always need to be addressed or solved by an adult. At times, it may be necessary to point out to some parents that minor childhood disagreements are simply that and ‘tagging’ these disagreements as something major, such as bullying or an assault requiring police follow-up, is inappropriate.

Caution regarding a genuine concern by a parent

All valid parent concerns should be addressed. Such concerns include, but are not limited to, their child’s medical condition, safety, other wellbeing issues, learning difficulties, disorders, family stress or major loss, or parental diagnosis of anxiety or a medical condition.

It is reasonable for parents to expect that perceived learning difficulties and social competency issues such as bullying and other genuine concerns with the child’s safety are followed up and investigated by the school. Schools that have clear discipline and student management, welfare, or special education provision and parenting resources in place are usually well placed to assist.